Tag Archives: mindset

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STOP Trying to Please Everyone

superserve your raving fans instead

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eggshells

We all know trying to please everyone is impossible, so why do we feel like failures when some people don’t like what we do? Why do we compromise on what we know would be our best work, in order to try to please a few more people? Why do we walk on eggshells trying to make sure we don’t say or do something “wrong”? Why are we so worried about what everyone else thinks? Why is it that even if 99% of the people we serve like what we do, we focus on the 1% who don’t?

If you try to please all, you please none. – Aesop

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I think it’s because we all want to be liked and we were raised to be polite. But being polite doesn’t mean you have to stop speaking the truth, giving your opinion, and displaying who you are. This used to be a huge struggle for me, and it still gets me when I don’t work on it.

When I give my presentations and seminars I want to keep the audience engaged and entertained. I want them in a state that allows them to easily pick up and use the ideas, takeaways, and action steps I’m giving them.

So I keep my eye on the reactions in the room. When I see people smiling, nodding, sitting up straight, reacting to what I’m saying, and responding to my questions I’m feeling good. But then I see someone looking at their phone – someone in the back just got up and left. My mind starts telling me stories:

“Greg, you’re blowing it. People are bored. They’re checking their email. That one person thinks you’re so bad that he got up and left! Why did you ever think you were a good speaker? You should give this up!” (That’s some real good self talk, isn’t it? I was killing my energy with my own thoughts.)

Even if I got a great response at the end of my talk and multiple people came up afterwards and told me how much they enjoyed it, I would still be thinking about the person who looked at their phone and the one who left.

Worrying about pleasing everyone in the room made me question everything I was doing and was hurting my ability to be a great speaker.

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. – Aristotle

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A friend helped me. He said, “Greg, no matter where you speak and no matter how great a speaker you are, you are never going to reach everyone. And you have to make peace with that. If you connect with 80% of the audience and help them get the outcome they were looking for, then you’ve done your job well.”

I also realized that if I tried to please everyone I would have to change my style, my personality, and maybe even my message. I would end up with a watered down, vanilla, luke warm thing that no one would really like anyway. So why not do what I love to do, in my style, and please my ideal audience and myself?

Then I had an epiphany at one of my events. During my hour long presentation there was a guy near the front who had a harsh look on his face. He often had his arms folded across his chest. At times he would pick up his phone and it looked like he was texting or checking his emails. I thought the guy hated my talk and I had to quit looking at him because he was freaking me out.

But after it was over he came up to me and told me how much he enjoyed my presentation. He even took notes on his phone for some of my points that he really liked. He couldn’t wait to try out some of my ideas in his business. Wait, WHAT?! That guy liked my talk? Maybe I should stop trying to read people’s minds and just do the best presentation I can do. That’s all I can do. Then it’s up to the audience to decide how they respond.

And that’s what I’ve been doing ever since. Don’t get me wrong, I still let the people who don’t like my stuff get me down a little. But, I focus on the people who do like it and I keep finding better ways to serve them.

You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do. – Eleanor Roosevelt

It’s time to STOP trying to please everyone. It’s time to try something different. Let’s figure out who we care the most about, who shares our values and give them our very best. Let’s get loyal, evangelical customers for life instead of aiming for the lowest common denominator who will drop us if the wind blows funny.

I’d rather have raving fans than ‘satisfied customers.’

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I’d rather have a smaller group of raving fans that I don’t have to constantly chase for repeat business, wouldn’t you?

Raving fans are special. They:

  • Feel like they’re part of your family
  • Tell everyone about you
  • Stick with you
  • Buy from you even when you’re not having a sale
  • Never go anywhere else

I’ve found that developing raving fans makes it easier to really enjoy what you do and increase your profits than trying to be all things to all people. It also comes with some extra bonuses. You get to love what you do and that leads to doing your best work. The hope is that you become so good at your work that to your raving fans, and to yourself, your work becomes art.

Questions for comments: How do you decide whom to please? How has narrowing your focus helped you?

I want to give as many people as possible my free eBook, 5 Steps to Finding Your Purpose. Please forward this to a friend who needs it. If they click here, they can get the free eBook.

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You Are Exactly Where You Are Supposed To Be

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believe

I missed my chance. I made the wrong decision. It’s too late for me. I can never do it now. Haven’t we all told ourselves that at some point? I know I have – too many times.

But I don’t believe that anymore. Here’s what I believe because of what I’ve done and what I’ve seen other people do:

You are right where you’re supposed to be. Every decision, moment, and event in your life has brought you here, reading this in order to do something extraordinary.

Even the tough times and difficult decisions can be used to get us ready for something great. Have you ever looked back on a stressful period of your life and realized you needed to go through that to become the person you are today?

I made the decision to move my family across the country for my job four different times. It wasn’t easy, but we made new friends, were exposed to different cultures and had experiences I wouldn’t trade for anything.

My work experience from being a probation and parole officer, a mental health counselor, a radio talk show host, and someone who has started three small busineses, has lead me to develop the skills and expertise I need to become a professional speaker, author, and coach.

Everything you’ve ever done has prepared you to do something extraordinary. Start today.

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It’s not too late.

Your chance is now.

Take action.

Isn’t that exciting?

It can also be kind of scary. Fear will creep in and tell you that if you take a big leap you might fall flat on your face. You might lose everything, let your family down, and end up eating government cheese, living in a van down by the river.

Wow. That was a quick downward cycle, but I get it. Fear can be paralyzing.

But, what if you don’t have to take the huge leap? What if you can take some baby steps today that lead into big strides? What if the big strides can turn into jumps and then, one day, you take a big leap into the life you’ve always dreamed of?

People do it everyday. Why not you?

You’re reading this for a reason.

Now is your time.

  1. Define your passionate purpose.
  2. Set your big goals.
  3. Break them down to small, attainable, measurable goals.
  4. Take DAILY action on those goals. Make it a DAILY habit. Small, DAILY action is all it takes!
  5. Stay focused on your why and let it motivate you.

Let’s GO!

If you get stuck, email me, check out my book, and/or check out my coaching.

I want to give as many people as possible my free eBook, 5 Steps to Finding Your Purpose. Please forward this to a friend who needs it. If they click here, they can get the free eBook.

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You Can Supercharge Your Life – Without the Energy Drinks

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energy-drinks

We all want to be energized and fired up to take on the day. So much so, that we may turn to coffee for a pick me up. For some, that’s not enough. Bring on the energy drinks!

But haven’t you had days when you felt invigorated without having to slam an espresso? What’s happening on those days?

I bet you’re doing something you’re passionate about and that you love.

One person with passion is better than forty people merely interested-EM Forster

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When I was a kid it was really hard to get out of bed to go to school every day. I hit the snooze bar several times, fell back asleep, moaned and groaned, and finally, begrudgingly got up.

But at the age of ten I joined a bowling league. (Yes, I was one of those kids.) The league was every Saturday at 9am. I had to get up at the same time I got up for school in order to be at the bowling alley on time. And here’s the strange thing. Even though I stayed up later on Friday nights than I did on school nights, I never hit the snooze bar on Saturday mornings. Most of the time I didn’t even need my alarm. I would happily pop out of bed and get ready to go bowling.

I didn’t wake up tired, I woke up inspired.

What made the difference in my wake up attitude? I loved bowling. I looked forward to it. (Maybe my mom should have taken me to a counselor. Hey, what’s wrong with bowling?) My best friend was on my team and I didn’t want to let him down. I was excited to get up early and go bowling.

I didn’t hate school. I liked some of my classes and I enjoyed seeing my friends. But the school structure did not excite me and most of my classes bored the mess out of me. It was tough to get excited about.

As an adult, I’ve noticed the same phenomenon.

While I’m giving a presentation to a few hundred people or hosting a radio show, or playing a gig with my guitar I don’t feel tired. I feel supercharged. I’m hyped. (Even when my radio show was four hours long every week day, it didn’t wear me out. It actually took me a while to calm down once I was off the air.)

I’m passionate about those things and I love doing them.

Working on what you’re passionate about energizes you. Working on what you hate drains you.

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When’s the last time this has happened to you? Isn’t it amazing that you can work harder and longer doing what you love – and still feel more energized and satisfied – than working shorter hours doing something you hate?

Yes, we all have to do things we don’t want to do. But, how often?

Is there a way you could do more of what you’re passionate about and less of what drains your energy? Wouldn’t that be awesome? Wouldn’t that help you and everyone who comes in contact with you?

Sure, Greg, and then I’ll ride a unicorn over a rainbow into a pot of gold.

happy-unicorn-rainbow

I know it sounds impossible, but what if? How about this for a start?

1) Figure out what you love and what you don’t. Make a list of everything you do each day, for a week. Highlight all the activities you enjoy in green. Highlight all the activities you don’t enjoy in red.

Which type of activities are you spending most of your time on? If they aren’t the green ones, look out.

2) Now start looking for ways to minimize the red and maximize the green. Are there people who like what you dislike? Could you delegate to them? Could you group the things you dislike and do most of them once a week? Could you talk to your boss about where you do your best and see if that could be where you focus your time? Remember, it will help the company bottom line, too.

3) If none of that works, do you need to change jobs or careers to do more of what you’re passionate about?

4) Is there a way you can reframe the work you have to do that doesn’t energize you? Can you see the purpose of your work and how it helps others? For example, if you’re an insurance salesman instead of seeing your job as “selling insurance,” could you see it as helping people find the best way to keep themselves and their families healthy and financially protected?

5) Do this exercise with your personal life as well.

Life is too short to spend most of your week doing things that suck the life force out of you.

How does so much energy come from a passionate idea? Is one charging your life?

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The world needs your best work and that work is driven by your passions. Find them…and you can throw out the energy drinks.

I want to give as many people as possible my free eBook, 5 Steps to Finding Your Purpose. Please forward this to a friend who needs it. If they click here, they can get the free eBook.

Let’s GO!

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Wake up Energized, Even if You’re NOT a Morning Person

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sunrise-over-cayuga-lake-everet-regal

Get ready for an amazing insight coming at you. People with a good, positive, optimistic attitude tend to enjoy their day more and accomplish more than people with a negative, depressing, pessimistic attitude. See, I told you—deep insight. You’re welcome.

We know this from research and from our own experience. But how do we create and maintain the positive mindset we need to live a happier, healthier life and reach all our goals?

I’ve got some great tips for you, but I want to begin with this:

Gratitude:

Start every morning by thinking about all the great things in your life. For most of us it’s pretty easy coming up with at least a short list.

I’m grateful for what I have and even more grateful for what’s coming next.

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I have a routine I go through every day when I wake up that gets me up on the right side of the bed. I’m a Christian, so for me this ties into my religion. But, you can use the same type of technique whether you’re religious or not. Instead of a thankful prayer list, simply make it your gratitude list.

As I slowly wake up, I start to pray. I thank God for for my wife, my children, my extended family, and my friends. I thank Him for the fact that I have more than enough to provide my family with food, clothing, and shelter. I praise Him for the fact that I was born in the United States of America and I have so many opportunities to create a life of abundance for myself and enough to help others as well. I give thanks for the multiple ways I’m able to earn income doing something I love, and I’m grateful for my excellent health.

I give thanks that I’m not stuck in a job I hate with some guy telling me I need to get my TPS forms in and another guy claiming I stole his stapler.

As I’m saying my prayers, I’m creating beautiful images in my head of everything I’m praying about. As I do this, I can feel my body and spirit coming more and more alive. Feelings of peace and happiness and ambition well up within me and I begin to feel excited about getting out of bed and starting the day. I spend about three minutes doing this. (I know this sounds kind of touchy-feely, but if you try it for a few days I think you will be amazed at the results you get.)

After I’m done giving thanks, I spend the next three to five minutes being grateful for my future life with all my major goals achieved. I put everything in the present tense as if I’m already living the life I want. I’m getting my conscious and subconscious minds focused on my goals, and the best way to do that is to put everything we want in the present tense.

I visualize pursuing my Passionate Purpose at the ultimate level. I imagine achieving my goals in every aspect of my life. If you really want to get excited about your future, describe it in great detail and imagine how it will look, feel, sound, smell, and taste. Get your emotions into it. Play the movie of your extraordinary life in your head. It’s better than any blockbuster at the multiplex.

The more real you make this, the more excited you will become to take on the day, and the more your subconscious mind will help you pursue your goals.

My daughter has a great quote on the lock screen of her phone: “I did not wake up today to be mediocre.” I know you didn’t either. So, let’s GO!

On to the tips!

1)Wake up early enough that you don’t have to rush

Most people wake up with just enough time to race through showering, getting dressed, getting the kids off to school, and grabbing a cup of coffee on the way out the door. How’s that working out for you? Is it really a great way to start the day?

Instead, supercharge the morning by getting up 30 minutes before you normally do in order to read, think, pray, meditate, or exercise. It sounds horrible if you’re not a morning person, but if you make it a new habit you will never stop.

Imagine how good it would feel to take your time in getting ready for greatness.

2)Wake up gently

Being jolted awake by a loud, buzzing alarm clock is actually bad for your health. (Plus, it scares the bleep out of you! Or maybe that’s just me.) The research shows it increases your blood pressure, heart rate, adrenaline and stress. Sounds like a super way to wake up to me, right? All we need now is for a small stroke and we’re ready to start the day.

Instead, set your alarm to a soothing sound or spa music. The best alarms slowly increase the volume and the light in your room over the course of a few minutes to gently wake you up.

But, Greg, I’ll sleep right through that. You don’t get me.

Hey, I’m feeling you. One time, at summer camp, my brother slept through a cannon and bugle call they blew every morning. But, trust me. The increasing sound and light together will wake you up. And it will be a much more pleasant way to start the day.

3)Stretch in bed before you get up.

Stress and relax each body part. Start with your toes. Flex and hold for about five seconds. Then relax them. Do that with every body part working your way all the way up to your forehead. It’s feels great and gets your physical body ready for action.

4)Have a wonderful breakfast (or at least something)

I know a lot of people say they don’t have time for it (see tip #1) or they don’t like to cook. I understand it’s not for everyone, but try it at least once a week with everyone in your house. I think you’re going to love it. I make eggs, sausage, toast, and some fruit every morning.

If you can’t do that, at least grab some fruit, and some protein (almonds or peanut butter on a spoon works) on your way out the door. It will get your metabolism going and keep you powered up until lunch.

5)Put your phone in your pocket without looking at it.

This is very hard for me to do, but it’s super rewarding. It will quickly become your new habit. It lets you set your priorities for the day instead of giving that power to your emails and social media. Schedule a set time in the morning to check those things – but NOT when you first wake up.

6)Every time you open your email program write a quick thank you to one person.

The thank you can be for something simple or something big. It doesn’t matter, just make sure it’s a real thank you. When you force yourself to think of who you should thank, and why, you will realize how many people help you and are nice to you – and how often we overlook it.

If you’re being efficient, you should only be checking your emails a couple of times a day. So, you need to come up with only a couple of people to thank.

I think this is my favorite tip on my list. When you do this, your relationships will change.

7)Pick someone you can help today.

Have you noticed that when you help someone else your problems seem to get smaller? It never fails. I don’t do this every day. I get busy. I forget. I worry that the person might not want my help. But, I’ve never felt bad after helping someone else.

If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else. – Booker T.Washington

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Questions for comment: When was the last time you woke up energized and looking forward to the day? What did you do to create that experience?

(If this post resonated with you, please share it, and my free eBook, 5 Steps to Finding and Pursuing Your Purpose, with a friend.)

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I Tried To Change And It Didn’t Work

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failure2

Are you ready for some tough love? If you have tried to change before and it hasn’t worked, there is really only one reason. It’s not because you don’t have talent. Talent is overrated. You see unsuccessful people with talent all the time. It’s not because you aren’t smart enough, don’t know the right people, or don’t have enough money to get started. It’s not because you don’t have enough time. We all have the same 24 hours in each day.

The real reason you haven’t followed through on what you say you want is this: You get more out of not changing than you think you would get out of changing.

You’re stuck because you get more out of not changing than you think you would get from changing.

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I know that’s hard to hear. But it’s true, and all of us struggle with it. I have to tell myself this every time I start to back slide.

Tony Robbins puts it this way: You believe you get more pleasure and avoid more pain by staying the way you are than by doing the work necessary to change.

I know this sounds crazy but think about it. Why don’t we all eat healthy and never overeat? Isn’t it because we like the pleasure we get from the taste of the foods we know aren’t good for us? Isn’t it because of the pleasurable feeling we create in ourselves when we eat too much?

Sure it makes us gain weight and maybe even feel sluggish, but doesn’t the short- term pleasure overwhelm the long-term pain? I know it does for me more times than I’d like to admit. Our actions speak louder than all the diets we’ve ever planned to live by.

Why do you think alcoholics and drug addicts continue to use even though it’s destroying their lives? Obviously addiction is a factor, but it’s also because they believe the short-term pleasure they get is greater than the long-term pain. They use substances to temporarily change the way they feel, to avoid pain in their lives, to distract themselves from their problems, and to self-medicate.

Even when they are losing their jobs, their spouses, their children, their friends, their homes, and their health, they keep using for the short-term pleasure and the short-term escape from their pain.

Yet, many do kick their habit. How? They do it when they hit rock bottom. When they convince themselves the pain of their addiction is worse than the short-term pleasure of using and they decide they must change. That’s when they start the difficult recovery process.

How Do Some People Do It?

Let me ask you a question. How do we have people making average salaries starting new businesses every day in this country? How do legal immigrants come here with nothing and open a business the first year they’re here? I’m talking about people who do it without a loan or investors. How do they do it?

They convinced themselves they had to. They decided that to not put out the effort and money necessary to pursue their goal would be more painful than doing it. They stayed focused on the long-term pleasure they would get and how they would avoid the long-term pain of never pursuing their dreams. They found a way.

Some saved money for years that they could have used on other things. Others found a way to start it in their home and slowly build it. Others found a way to do it all online for almost nothing. The bottom line is they found a way. You can, too.

Could You Do It If?

Imagine your child has a fatal illness. The doctors say she only has six months to live. But if you get her the right medicine, she will be completely cured. One problem: The medicine costs $10,000 and you’re broke. No one can loan you the money. Do you think you could earn an extra ten grand in six months to save your child?

Of course you could, and you would, because you would have to. With that kind of effort and commitment nothing could stop you.

That’s the kind of commitment you will need because deciding you must change is just part of it. You also must decide you are willing to do the work required to make the change.

No one can do the work for you. No one makes you change. True change comes from within.

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I can give you ideas and techniques to change your life, but I can’t change you. All true change will come from you.

Let’s GO!

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The Abundance Mindset Leads to Unlimited Income Potential

No one is taking your piece of the pie

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The-Jeffersons

“Well we’re movin’ on up,
to the east side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky. Movin’ on up,
to the east side.
We finally got a piece of the pie.”
–Theme from the television show, The Jeffersons

We live in a country with unparalleled opportunities to achieve financial independence. There is unlimited wealth to be created. And yet most Americans believe there is a finite amount of money available. If “the rich” take more it leaves less for everyone else.

This “if you get more pie I get less pie” myth has done enormous damage to our economic success as a country and discouraged countless Americans from achieving their financial dreams.

I know the theme song of The Jeffersons talks about a limited income pie, but George Jefferson didn’t believe in that. He created wealth for himself and others. He provided a service (dry cleaning) people needed for a good price.

As his business expanded, he provided more jobs for his employees. He paid more rent to more landlords in the areas he placed his dry cleaning stores. He helped his vendors by purchasing more equipment and materials to run his business. He invested his money and that money was used to start new businesses and expand old ones.

He didn’t make other people poorer because his dry cleaning stores succeeded. He made people richer. He made pies.

There is more than enough for everyone. It’s like that old Doritos commercial: “Eat all you want, we’ll make more!”

We shouldn’t worry about the size of our piece of the pie, we should make more pies.

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Even better, get this through your head:

There is no pie. There are unlimited possibilities for all of us.

Think about this logically for a second. If there is some limited pie, how does our economy keep growing? How does the median income for Americans, adjusted for inflation, keep going up? Yes, we do have recessions in the business cycle, but overall our economy keeps growing.

Think back to the first job you had. What was your salary? What is your yearly income now? I bet it has more than doubled, right? You can double it again with the right plan—and help people at the same time.

Didn’t George Jefferson help a lot more people every time he opened a new store? (Um, Greg, hold up, George Jefferson is a fictional TV character…Yes, I know, just go with it.) The best way to help people is to become as successful as you can at serving others with your Passionate Purpose.

You can become a millionaire without taking anything away from anyone else. In fact, as you become a millionaire you will be adding to the wealth in America. You will be creating, investing, saving, producing, and spending. You will be creating new jobs. Everybody wins.

Think back to all the jobs you have had. Have you ever worked for someone poorer than you? I haven’t. I am thankful that richer people created those jobs for me and helped me provide for my family.

As long as we believe there is some finite amount of money out there, some pie, we are going to remain at each other’s throats scurrying around for crumbs while complaining that the rich are stealing the choicest pieces. That belief in scarcity and greed is going to make it much more difficult to achieve your goals.

When you believe there is a limited pie, everyone becomes your competition. Everyone becomes your enemy. What they gain, you lose. Their successes are your failures. You become paranoid and think that everyone is trying to take some of your pie.

You won’t want to work with someone or share an idea because you might have to give up some of your pie. It’s truly a miserable existence. It leads to a great deal of envy, jealousy, anger, and frustration.

None of this helps you succeed. In fact, it breeds and grows the idea that your current and future financial standing is not up to you. It is determined by outside factors far beyond your control—things like who your parents are, where you went to school, and who you know. You believe the myth that only the rich get richer. Of course, the more you believe this, the more it is true—for you.

Become a Benevolent Millionaire

“You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”
–Zig Ziglar, author and motivational speaker

I’m talking about becoming wealthy the right way, by helping people like George Jefferson did. (It’s a TV show! He wasn’t real! Stop with the George Jefferson analogy already! … Sorry.)

You can become a benevolent millionaire. You can help lift others as your success grows. Your success will come from helping other people get what they want. That is a great service to your community. While you’re doing that, why not do it the best way you can?

If you are starting your own company, you can treat your employees well with how you relate with them, what you pay them, and the benefits you provide for them. No matter what you do to earn your income you can become generous with how you spend and invest your money. You can choose to give to charities that you believe in.

You can become a mentor for someone and pass on all that you have learned. Invest in the next generation and you will be amazed how good it feels and how much you get out of it.

Imagine what would happen if everyone striving to multiply their income became a benevolent millionaire.

Let’s GO!

(If this post resonated with you, share it with a friend and check out my book, GO! How to Find and Pursue Your Passionate Purpose, available in paperback and audiobook.)

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Everything You Want to Become and Do Begins With a Thought

What are you thinking about all day long?

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Take a look around you right now. What do you see? A couch, a chair, a computer, walls, furniture, lights, windows?

Everything manmade was once nothing more than a thought. Someone had to conceive of the couch you’re sitting on before the plans were made, the materials were gathered, and the work was done to make it and ship it to the store where you purchased it.

Someone had to dream up the house you’re living in before it was built. I had to think of every word in this blog post in order to write it.

Everything that gets done in this world begins as a thought. From the first automobile to manned spaceflight to the Internet to cancer treatments to magnificent symphonies and works of art, everything had its origins in a thought.

I find that incredible.

The same holds true for who you are. Everything you do and everything you are begins as one of your thoughts.

A man is what he thinks about all day long –Ralph Waldo Emerson

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What you think about leads you to who you are, who you will become, what you do, and what you will do.

What have you ever done that didn’t begin with a thought?
When have you ever made changes in your life that didn’t begin with a thought?

We have to change our thoughts before we can change our behavior. If we keep thinking the same things we’ve thought every day, we will keep doing the same things.

So what are you thinking about all day long? Are they your original thoughts, or are they thoughts other people put in your head? Are they positive or negative thoughts? Are they helping or hurting you?

Whatever you focus on, you will tend to get more of it. Your conscious and subconscious minds will get the message that this is important to you. They will work all day and all night to help you with whatever it is you’re thinking about.

Isn’t that amazing?

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.
–Gautama Siddhartha, the founder of Buddhism

Your subconscious mind doesn’t care if you’re thinking negative or positive thoughts. Since you’re focusing on it you must want more of it, right? That’s the way your brain works.

Earl Nightingale, in his seminal work The Strangest Secret Ever Told, relates it to how a farmer and his field work together. Whether he plants corn or poison ivy in his field, the field doesn’t care. It will grow one just as well as the other. The field doesn’t judge what you’re planting. If the farmer plants corn and cares for it, the field will yield a wonderful crop of corn for him. If the farmer plants poison ivy, the field doesn’t listen to the farmer say, “No, I don’t want poison ivy, I want corn.” All the field knows is the farmer planted poison ivy, so that is what he is going to get.

What are you planting in your mind every day?

You become what you think about – Earl Nightingale

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If you constantly think negative thoughts, don’t be surprised if you get negative outcomes. I’m sure you’ve seen this in your own life. When you get in a funk and start complaining about things you can quickly get in a downward spiral that is difficult to get out of.

Most of us have also experienced the opposite. We’ve had something good happen, we’ve focused on it, and then we’ve gotten on a roll. We feel like we’re in the zone and everything is working out for us.

Questions for comments:

What are you telling yourself in your head all day as you keep repeating your habits?
What are you thinking about all day long?
That is what you are and what you are becoming.
What thoughts do you need to focus on to create the change you want?

Choose your thoughts carefully. Choose your focus carefully.

Let’s GO!

(If this post resonated with you, share it with a friend and check out my book, GO! How to Find and Pursue Your Passionate Purpose, available in paperback and audiobook.)

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If You’re Stuck, It’s Time to GROW

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If you just feel stuck, how do you get unstuck? What I do with my coaching clients, and what I do to coach myself, is GROW.

GROW stands for:

Goals
Reality
Options
Way Forward (or Will)

When I coach, I see my clients as having the best answers to their questions. My job is to help them become more self-aware, fully develop their goals and options, and help them choose the best ones.

When you take responsibility for creating your life, you become much more invested in the work and the outcomes. You also become more successful.

If you’re stuck, start with figuring out what you really want.

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Begin with the end in mind. What do you want? If you aren’t clear on that, it’s going to be much more difficult to get there.

Goals: Which part of your life do you need to change? Your career, relationships, physical fitness, spiritual development, what?

Some of the great questions I use to figure out my goals come from the book, Coaching For Performance, by John Whitmore. If you’re looking to improve your career you might ask yourself questions like:

  • Imagine 1 year in the future – what would your ideal work situation be?
  • What would a typical day be like? Describe it in detail.
  • What part or parts of that ideal work situation do you desire most?
  • How important, on a scale of 1 to 10, is each one to you?
  • Now, what is your work goal?
  • If that seems to big a goal, what are some smaller, more attainable goals that will get you on your way to your ultimate goal?
  • When would you want this goal achieved?
  • How would you know you achieved it?

There are times that just getting clear on your goal will get you unstuck. Most of the time, however, you’re going to want to go further to ensure success.

The next step is being brutally honest about your reality.

Reality: Objectively look at your current situation. A key here is owning the responsibility for where you are and what it will take to get where you want to be. Self-awareness is crucial to getting unstuck.

If you don’t believe you can change your situation, you probably won’t. How can you believe?

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Staying with a change in career as the example, start with some questions like these: 

  • What is your current reality at work?
  • What is your reality on what it would take to change that?
  • What and who don’t you like in your current work situation?
  • What and who do you like in your current work situation?
  • How much of this do you see as under your control?
  • How could you make it something you could control?
  • What makes your work meaningful?
  • What do you see as your purpose in your work?

Now that your clear on what you want and where you are, you need to come up with options.

Options – What options do you have for changing things? (Let’s use the example of having a goal for a new job.)

  • What might you gain by changing jobs or starting your own business?
  • What might you lose?
  • How do you make sure the same things you don’t like about your current job don’t crop up again in your new job?
  • How would you find it the new job?
  • How else?
  • Where would you find it?
  • Where else?
  • What would you have to change to get that job?
  • What could you do to change that?
  • What’s been holding you back from these options?
  • What else could you do?
  • If you knew the answer, what would it be?
  • What advice would you give a friend in this situation?
  • Of all the options you’ve come up with, which 3 do you like the most?
  • Which would make the biggest difference in your life?

You’ve come a long way, but if you stop here you really haven’t done anything meaningful. You must take action. It’s time to plan the Way Forward.

Way Forward (or Will): What specific actions will you take to achieve your goal?

  • Which options are you going to take action on?
  • What actions have you taken on this so far?
  • How did those actions work out?
  • When will you start?
  • How will you know when you achieve your goal?
  • What’s your deadline for achieving your goal?
  • On a scale of 1 to 10 how strongly do you feel you can achieve your goal on time?
  • If it’s not at least an 8, what can you do to make it an 8?
  • Do you need to take smaller actions you believe you can achieve in order to ramp up to bigger ones?
  • What can you do to stay motivated when you hit obstacles?
  • Why do you want this goal? How can that keep you motivated?
  • How often should we review your progress to keep you on track?

This is just a small look at how the GROW process can help you get unstuck.

You may need to improve your education, skills, and talents to get where you need to go. But, your goals, options, and solutions for what you want – and why you want it- are inside you. It’s time to start pulling them out.

Let’s GO!

I have personal coaching available now. Click here to learn more.

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Motivation Doesn’t Last, So Why Bother?

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Maybe you’ve tried to pursue your Passionate Purpose before, got motivated, had some initial success, and then gave up—what happened?

Did you start to think that all this personal development stuff doesn’t work? Maybe you decided that getting motivated isn’t worth it because it just wears off after a while.

Well, did you eat more than once today? I guess that eating thing wears off.

Did you take more than one shower this week? I guess that whole bathing thing wears off.

Yes, virtually everything wears off if we let it. I used to know how to do calculus problems. It’s been 30 years since I’ve done one and I couldn’t do one right now if my life depended on it. It wore off.

Did you exercise at the gym one day and say now you’re fit for the rest of your life? Ridiculous, right? Then why do we think that we only have to be motivated once and we’re set for life? Why do we think there’s some easy button to success and to pursuing our dreams?

We will get there, but it takes deliberate, persistent effort aimed at our Passionate Purpose. It takes improving ourselves day after day to become the person we want to be.

Remember, it’s not what you learn that changes you, it’s what you do with what you learn.

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I would love to be one of the people who tell you that if you have passion and desire and you think positive thoughts your dream will appear at the end of a double rainbow with pots of gold and butterflies and sprinkles on Twinkies that have no calories—but that’s not the truth.

Setting goals works. But you need to get clear on what you want, why you want it, that you have to achieve it, when you will reach it, and how you’ll do it. Then you must take consistent action to get it done.

Oh, that’s all? Sweet! Then I’ll create world peace for breakfast and save the whales after lunch.

I know it can sound intimidating and overwhelming, but when you do this one step at a time it’s really not that hard.

It may sound like word games, but I believe there is a difference between motivation and inspiration. My purpose isn’t just to motivate you for a short time. My purpose is to help inspire you to find your Passionate Purpose. When you find and pursue that you will become self-motivated.

You will still have ups and down on how motivated you are. But when you find your why you have a reservoir of motivation in your soul that you can draw from whenever you need it.

Man is only great when he acts from passion-Benjamin Disraeli

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Know this: If you’ve been working on what we’ve been talking about, you are in an elite group of people walking this planet. You have defined your Passionate Purpose, created goals and mini-goals for your success, and developed an action plan to get you there. Most people never do this in their entire lives. You are on your way to a totally new life! If …

Yup, there is a HUGE “if.” If you stop now, this will all be a complete waste of time. In fact, if you stop now, all this might actually hurt you instead of help you. You might start to believe that none of this really works. It’s all nonsense and a waste of time. You are not in control of your own destiny. You will never live the life of your dreams. At best, you are doomed to a life of mediocrity.

Quick! Hide all the sharp objects in your home! Life is no longer worth living!

See how ridiculous that line of “reasoning” can go? Is that really how you want to look at the world and your power over your own life? I can tell you that the most successful people do not allow themselves to think that way. From now on neither will you.

Instead, you are going to keep a positive focus on your goal and take daily action on your plan.

You must take action. Without action, all of this is just a lot of time and effort wasted. Without action you will lose focus, become frustrated, decide goal setting doesn’t work, and quit.

So here’s my advice: Don’t wait one day, start now. If you put this off until you’re “ready,” or your busy project at work ends, or until after your vacation, or until the kids are grown, or the time is right, or (fill in the excuse) you will never start or finish. If you only remember one thing from this book, remember this:

Go!

As soon as you “Go!” and start taking action on your Passionate Purpose, you are a success. The staircase will start appearing faster and faster. This is why you are here. The possibilities are endless for your life now. You aren’t just surviving, you are thriving. You aren’t just earning a living, you’re earning a life.

Let’s Go!

(I’m now offering a 40 day online coaching course to kick start finding and pursuing your Passionate Purpose.)

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The Paradox of Serving Your Way to Success

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When you first hear it, serving your way to success sounds crazy, doesn’t it? The idea of being someone’s servant even sounds a little bit demeaning. And don’t I have to focus on me to get ahead? No one else cares about me as much as me.

“I love me some me!” — Terrell Owens, former NFL receiver

That can lead to a downhill spiral – fast. You end up feeling greedy, selfish, and desperate. And, it usually leads to financial and relational struggles.

But, when you truly understand it, serving your way to success makes perfect sense. You can track every bit of success in your life to your service of others.

  • You got promoted and made more income by serving your customers, coworkers, and boss
  • Your marriage is great because you put your spouse’s needs above yours
  • Your business is thriving because of the way you serve your clients
  • You have lots of friends because you’ve shown that you’ll help them any way you can
U can have everything u want in life if u just help enough other people get what they want-Z.Ziglar

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Sometimes I forget this. Whenever I find myself pressing in my business, or feel like I’m working too hard trying to sell, I always notice that I’ve gotten away from the focus of serving others. As soon as I start looking for ways to help and serve, things start working out again.

I start to feel happier. I begin to create better relationships and friendships. I have more fun in my work. I help more people.

As a bonus, I get more speaking engagements, coaching clients, and book and online course sales. But that isn’t my focus.

Sports demonstrate this as well. You’ve heard people say about a great player, “he’s so good, he makes everyone around him better.” That doesn’t just happen by accident. The great ones serve their teammates by helping them become better. They give them tips on how to play their position, how to study film, how to be mentally tough, and more. They lead by example and by their hard work. They never ask someone to do something they aren’t willing to do themselves.

It’s true in more than just sports. The really great parents, friends, and business people make everyone around them better. And they do it by serving.

It’s amazing how the process of helping others makes you a better person, and leads you to greater personal success than you’ve ever known. Quite often it even leads to more income. That’s not why you do it, but it sure doesn’t stink.

Let’s GO!

Questions for comments:

  • How do you switch your focus to serve others?
  • What do you do to serve others?
  • How does that change how you feel and what you achieve?

(I now offer one to one coaching and an online coaching program for various budgets. Click here for more details.)